Two Weddings and A Funeral

Hola strange place!

Haven’t been here so long. Not much to update except life goes on, people get married and death still strike the still mortals.

A cousin got married in the last week of October. A wedding which we couldn’t go because Abang is getting married this weekend. There can’t be 2 weddings in the same lunar month. So as customs dictate we can’t go to his wedding and they can’t come to Abang’s.

A week later the groom’s dad, my uncle, my mother’s younger brother passed away in China. And because Chinese funeral can be way beyond a family’s means they cremated Uncle Ngan Chai before flying him home.

My Por Por (granny) was kept in the dark for fear of her already weak health. She was told last weekend because they had a memorial service for him in KL.

Uncle Ngan Chai the boisterous one who like to poke fun and the happy go lucky uncle, spent 57 years, raised two boys by driving a taxi and starting a driving school.

Uncle Ngan Chai, you will be missed at CNY gathering.

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On the work front, it has actually gotten from bad to worse.

Seriously. This new big boss is a piece of work.

Since I can’t do much about it, I’ll just suck it in and deal with it.

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I was at K.Liz’s new pad in BI. Really nice single storey semi-d. Gated community. Loved the high ceiling the wide windows.

Really hope we’ll make the big move by this time next year. So excited.

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My ho-hum weekend

I had a horrible dream last Saturday night. It began with me standing in the middle of what looks to be a small examination room in a hospital. I’m not sure how I got there but I was there with this man.

And he was looking at me for help.

Somehow the doctors were all there holding him down and as I looked down at him as he was struggling to get away.

Then I saw this doctor with a saw. And he sawed off the man’s left leg.

Next thing I saw in my dream, I was lying next to this man and he was having nightmares. As I was aware too. And I think I cried because I wanted to get out of the whole situation.

When I woke up my eyes were a bit wet as I remembered his eyes when they sawed off his limb. The horror in his eyes.

Conclusion : I must not watch anymore gruesome movies. Sigh.

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A couple of days ago I got a scare of my life, mum’s not doing too well. Suffice to say, she’s waiting and we’re watching in dread.

I hate this feeling.

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I told IM that I no longer want to remember our wedding anniversary. I only want to remember the day we made a commitment with each other on Christmas, 7 years ago. So every year that date will be the date where we reaffirm our love and devotion for each other.

You have no idea how it pains me to let go of my wedding anniversary. It takes another female to know it and takes another female to deal a low blow.

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Monday freaking blues

I seriously don’t feel like getting into work today. Honestly I wish I’d have a long way longer weekend. Probably doesn’t help since work is piling like nobody’s business.

I contemplated taking a sick day today because I am sick of work. Unfinished work.

Seriously!

Then I remembered I have a 10.30 meeting I have to take.

I hate work!! With every fibre of my being.

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I miss my family. Most of all I miss my friends. I haven’t touched base with them in ages. Sigh.

So here’s my sobering Monday post. Let’s hope I survive the whole bloody week.

Escape

For me, that includes indulging my fondness for all things beautiful. Beautiful bling-blings, beautiful people, beautiful anything that catches my fancy.

What I’ve learned early on in life is that sometimes I don’t have the necessary words to explain the things that mystify me.

Hell! That’s why they mystify me.

Like my obsession with series. These days I think I’m pretty done and over with both GG and am watching Army Wives. They pretty much interest me. Not as much as Dirty Sexy Money. I think DSM is more fantastical in sheer creativity. I mean the extreme creative license that goes into making that show for what it is and the props – literal and metaphorical are in a sense makes the show colourful (I’m short for words already).

And it’s not even about the beautiful and skinny people they have in the shows. At least AW contains variety in the show. It tries to stay as close as it can be to the truth or the kind of ‘truth’ that it aims to share.

On the relativity factor, AW hits close to home as compared to DSM.

However I don’t think it’s fair to compare AW and DSM because it’s so different in many ways.

I should probably compare DSM with Gossip Girl.

Anyway, we still have a couple of episodes left from final season of Gilmore Girls. I’d dreading the final episode because it will be the end and I will have to say goodbye to the characters with whom I’ve had the privilege to watch as they grow up. The show started when I was still in Uni. 7 years is a looooong time. It will be hard to say goodbye to that.

On a similar note, my favourite guy of the moment, Matt Czuchry a.k.a Logan Huntzberger will be in an indie movie ‘I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell’. Here’re some details I lifted from a fan site.

I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell

Director:
Bob Gosse

Writers:
Tucker Max
Nils Parker

A guy tries to patch things up with his soon-to-be-married pal after botching things up at his bachelor party. Based on Tucker Max's best-seller "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell".

Plot summary
Tucker decides to take an impromptu trip to celebrate his friend's bachelor party. He drags his friend into a lie with his fiancée, gets him into trouble and then abandons him in order to pursue a hilarious carnal interest. Tucker is disinvited to the wedding, and in order to get back in, Tucker has to find a way to balance his narcissism with the demands of friendship.

* Filming is scheduled to start July 21 in Shreveport, Louisiana
* It's an Independent movie
* Is going to have a wide release
* R-rated for nudity and sex
* A scene will be filmed at a strip club
* The book is currently No. 10 on the New York Times best-seller list after a three-year run
* It sold an estimated 70,000 copies its first year
* The movie is loosely based on The Austin Road Trip Story from the book
* Genre: Comedy
* Expected release: spring of 2009

There's a blog of the movie, here it is.


Interesting...

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Since IM has to work this Saturday to offset Raya holidays, that means I will be left with the lil tyke. Aiyoh! Must make sure her Barbie Mariposa DVD is good to go.

And I will have cooking duties since Ma and Bah will be in KL for the weekend. Familial obligations.

What to cook ah??!!

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What a week it has been!! I got into an argument with my direct boss and I walked off in the middle of her tirade twice. Then she confronted me of my rudeness and asked if I was carrying any ill feelings between us.

Of course.

She has put me in terrible spots a couple of times in front of officers from different agencies, and I couldn’t substantiate my defense without making her look stupid for the statements that she made. So in the end, I looked the fool.

But she when opened the floodgates and I began to tell her why I was upset and the reason I walked off twice. I was afraid my mouth was going to go off first before my brain, so my safe measure was to walk off.

I think I felt so much relief after getting it all off my chest. And I did apologize for walking off. It was rude but it was way better for me to do that then let my big fat opinionated mouth go off.

With all said and done, I’m freaking glad this week is coming to a close.

Man! I will never take my weekend for granted anymore.

Best Moment I've had in a While

I had some problems with my mobile service. Since we were going out last night to search for the perfect …urm…underthings, stopped at the mobile center located right in the mall.

The person who attended to my requests had the warmest cognac coloured eyes. So while the computer slowed, I wasn’t interested in making small talk. Instead I texted SY. Which was rude but I was bored. Then he asked if I went to this school in town.

Eh?

Sorry, not from around here.

Then he recovered by saying I looked familiar.

Yeah, whatever.

All the while I texted SY about it. Her response – aiyoh so standard pickup line mamat nie…

Then S came over and called me, Mummy. I think he looked surprised that I’m married with a kid some more.

But it was a nice feeling for about 10 seconds. Then I rubbed it in with IM. Just to get a reaction.

Ha! Ha! Best.

Highlight of the week I think.

It’s rare that I get pick-up lines (lame as it is) still pick-up lines at this age and at this stage in my life.

Hectic Saturday

Apart from the usual work complaints, I find myself sometimes at the edge of burning out.


So far in the space of 2 going to 3 months in the new place, I have had several health complaints. Mainly mouth ulcers. I just hope I don’t end up with stomach ulcers which I heard are worse and can cause internal bleeding.


These mouth ulcers even scared my regular doctor and when he suggested that I should go to the hospital and get a mouth scraping done to rule out tumour or cancer I freaked out and burst into tears.


All I could think off, was after all I have to deal with now I have to deal with the big-C??!! Are you freaking kidding me??!!


He then prescribed me double the dose of antibiotic since my glands have swollen and he’s afraid of infection, a dose of anti-inflammation and a dose of antihistamine for the 24/7 sniffles and allergy.


Plus a warning to get the mouth scraping done if the meds don’t work.


It has been a week and my mouth is 80% okay. I can brush properly and eat and use both cheeks instead of just the left one. Macam chipmunk cacat aje. Makan sebelah pipi aje penuh.


Work has been pretty good. I’m getting better at delegating and managing bullies at the office. Have learnt good lesson in AM not a doormat anymore.


I’ve planned my work ahead of schedule. Will finish everything due by 1st week of August so I can take a week’s of leave and go on a long holiday. We’re planning to go to Penang and maybe swing to Langkawi for a spell.


I need some R and R.


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Today was super interesting. Took S to see Hellboy. PG-13. So can la bring her. So many marine boys around. I guessed they were US marine since a band of them performed a couple of days ago in the mall. IM was around so cannot be too obvious in checking them marine boys out.


Kaver line maaaaa!!!!


Hellboy II. Good. Better than the first. This was a brilliantly beautiful film and not a surprise since it is from the same director of Pan’s Labyrinth. S was really absorbed in it. So were we.


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Question : If a woman is willing to share love and become a second wife, does the man have to say yes? Why can’t the man think that just because she is willing, doesn’t she deserve to be happy with the right man who will love her unconditionally instead of sharing the love with the first wife? Why can’t the man grow some balls and backbone and defend his one and true marriage instead of being tempted to fill in the 3-empty spots? Those spots are not rights but a privilege that demands certain requirements to be fulfilled before even attempting to fill the empty spots. And must the first wife accept that her one true love has designs for another woman?



Does this mean, if another man, better than the husband woos the wife, should she accept him then on the basis that another man is in love with her? Therefore, she too must say yes.



Is this an ‘et, tu brutus’ condition?



Something to ponder, kan?


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Today was the premiere for Dirty Sexy Money over on 8TV. Father Brian is one mean Reverend. And my favorite character. Heh.

2 Minutes Rant

I’m so swamped I‘m taking time off to write this rant.

Whoever has a stupid question to ask me today please get ready for my wrath.

Seriously..tak nampak ke aku berlari cam ayam takde kepala lagi mau tanya aku soalan bodoh memang nak kena la kan…

Mak menyinga hari nie nyah!!

June Bug

I had just finished eating dinner when I saw a plate of fish bones set aside. For Garfield. Or Ginger. Not sure what’s the official name for the latest stray cat to adopt us.

We’ve stayed in this house nearly 2 years and for the most part we’ve had cats adopting our family. There was Jimbit who disappeared. Then I’m not sure if there was a cat named Tona or it was the boys’ favourite ‘lembut’ stylist (sssshhhh…that’s a secret!)…I’m confusedlah. The latest before Ginger/Garfield/Oy Kucing was a black and white striped cat named Lollie. Lollie gave birth to 4 kitties and left them or disappeared in a fortnight. The kitties died after a month of looking after by the very patient Mak Chu.

Then there was the arrogant puss named Blackie. Looked to be a Persian cat with a perpetual poker-face when we called it. Muka takdok perasaan. Blah la ko kucing….

This latest stray could be called Ginger for its fur or Garfield for its colour and one major annoying factor. The meowing will go on and on if we ignore its hungry call. Or can call it anak harimau because it is THAT huge.

Or stick with Oy Kucing! So we don’t get too attached. And start missing the cats when they leave us.

Did I mention I don’t like cats? I generally don’t get too close to any animals. Been raised to not have pets and not to get too attached since I had childhood asthma.

Anyway, Soph is really attached to the cats.

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Spoiler Alert!

Saw the finale episode of Grey’s Anatomy Season 4. There were about 5 episodes after the writers’ strike. The end? Loved, loved it. Meredith and McDreamy back again. Sigh. Poor Rose.

Oh well, can’t wait for the next season.

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Rant time. I hate my job. I mean it’s challenging but I just don’t like it when I have to play hardball most of the time. And the drama at work. Seriously??!! Macam Spektra Drama Melayu.

Benci. Benci. Benci.

Tomorrow meeting in the city capital. Huarrrggghhhh….

I’ve signed up for a 4 day counseling course early July in K*m*m*n. So I can get away from the office and its drama. End of July boss wants me to attend a Finance Course in R*m*p*n. Syok!!!!

Can’t wait.

Till the next update. Take care.

Ta.

Frost Yourself

Now, if you’re a movie junkie you’d know where that line came from.

*scroll down for the answer*

If you know the answer, congratulations you must be one of us who’ve seen the movie countless of times not because it was darned good but HBO kept playing it over and over again.

SK and I had made a date to check out the Korean crystals and accessories in this boutique that a colleague had mentioned. We made plans to park some money there after my Tioman Island trip.

For a detailed travelogue do visit IM.

Anyway, we made our way there during lunch. SK was excited and gushing over the bling-bling we’re about to see and purchase, inspired by the hours upon hours of watching Kimora and her life of fabulousity on MTV last weekend.

SK bought a ring. Really nice, Moi? The one I wanted was either too small or too big. Figures. Size does matter.

So we made our way to the car again. As we got in the car a guy in white naval uniform passed in front of us. Cute as hell. Gorgeous piece of specimen. I digress.

“SK, check that out. Hotness factor – 10 points. Uniform another 10 points.”

“Oh my god! But ugh! He knows he’s hot so subtract 10 points.”

As he passed us, SK reversed and drove out.

“SK, holy cow! Check out the butt in those white pants.”

“Okay for that alone, 50 points!!!! Woohoo!”

“I wonder what kind of car does a man like that drive?!!”

I turn to my left and saw a Fiat backing out.

“Babe, he drives a Fiat!”

Man in uniform and a Continental car. Sold!

SK craned her neck to see the guy and the car. And her foot was still on the gas.

“SK, Kancil tuh!!’

Emergency break. Pause. Hysterical laugh.

“You la A, kacau my focus.”

“Yeah, but it was WORTH IT!!!”

As we drove away we were still thinking of the guy and the fact that we almost hit another car. Sheesh.

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On another note, since the price for petrol was raised last Thursday, I’ve begun to chart our meager budget. So we can save for travel later.

I’ve started to carpool with Abah since we both get in before 7.30am, or if IM has time to send me to work first. Then when I’m done with work around 5ish if the workload for the day is done then I will change into my running shoes. So today I walked home. One less car on the road, one less contributing polution monster. Even though some of the air pollution most likely reside in my lungs. Heh.

So I had to work it. The baju kurung and the white Nike. Carrying the red shoe bag and my purse over my shoulder, and with my music in my ears, the walk home took about 35 minutes.

I was sweating like a pig. I need to save money but no saving on the fat cells.

Begone fatty tissues!!

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But, I just got a text from AR that Wednesday is Dim Sum day. Darn it!!!!

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*The answer : How To Lose A Guy in 10 Days. The bit where they were coming up with an ad line – for diamonds.

Tag time - Yay Me!!

from IM

1. Each blogger must post these rules first.

2. Each blogger starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.

3. Bloggers that are tagged need to write on their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.

4. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’ve been tagged, and to read your blog.

8 random facts/habits about meself

1. I hate tags.

2. Never done one before.

3. Do not consider myself a blogger. What the hell is that anyway??!! I’m without a label. This is my rant/self-adoration/tunjuk pandai/menunjuk-nunjuk space which feeds my indulgent habit.

4. IM says I have a hati batu but how come I can easily cry watching Grey’s Anatomy??!!

5. I love bags and shoes….like most women I know.

6. I love dressing Sophie in Pink..pink..pink…even though IM is pink-kaler-intolerant.

7. I love my job, because I’m bossy and prickly by nature. Suits me perfectly.

8. I don’t have 8 other blogger-friends. I’m not that friendly. Hence no.7.

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Tags aside. Been very busy. So much to do. So fucking little time. So glad homelife is better to counter busy time in workplace.

So better get ass home. My leave starts tomorrow. So happy.

Happy holidays!

Stuck on Logan Huntzberger

My social life these days are shot to pieces. It’s been taken over by that darned DVD set of Gilmore Girls. I’m watching Season 5 and my brain has been on pause whenever IM hits the pause button because he hates that I watch it without him.

But, seriously??!!

I’m in the middle of a good book. A hook kind of book. Where it reels you in and makes you stay until you get to the end of it. I’ve read a book from midnight till the next morning, had breakfast and then sleep. It’s nuts. But I sometimes get that way.

Unfortunately it’s physically impossible to try and finish watching the whole series. So last night after the TV was switched off, I couldn’t sleep. My mind was reeling and rolling after watching Luke break up with Lorelai and Logan getting caught making out with Rory at their grandparents’ renewal wedding vows thing.

So I ended up on tvguide.com and read the entire synopsis so that I can get control back in my life. So that now I know how it all went down I can take my time to slowly digest the story. And take my time to finish the DVD and not get anal when IM reached for the remote and pause.

Then I Googled Matt Czurchy the actor who is Logan Huntzberger in Gilmore Girls. Just because.

I did it with Matthew Settle and Penn Badgely when I was stuck on Gossip Girl. I did it with Eric Danes when I was stuck on Grey’s Anatomy. And I did it again with Julian McMahon in Nip/Tuck. I’d get obsessed with the series and would go Google them.

Go figure.

Oh and I went to bed at 4am. So going to need a vat of coffee now.

Tripping on Rory Gilmore

I’m on a trip down memory lane. Watching the whole 7 seasons of Gilmore Girls. I think I managed to follow 2 seasons when it aired aeons ago. So last Friday I made an impulsive purchase (aren’t they all seem like an impulsive purchase at first!) I bought the DVD set and couldn’t help myself from grabbing Deadwood, because Timothy Olyphant was staring at me with those bushy mustache and the alluring eyes, beckoning me ‘pick me up sweet mama…’

Can’t say no to those eyes lah.


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I’ve been so stressed I got ‘em mouth ulcers again. This time pain man! Can’t eat. The whole Sunday I went hungry and couldn’t eat much. Sigh.

On the bright side I’ve lost 1 pound. LOL.

Eye Candy

I feel like such a kid again. The kind where you like a boy so much that you try to tell him you like him by being mean to him. The pulling hair and spitting and throwing sand kind.

Ugh! So the playschool one.

Certainly brings out the aggressive side of me. Makes coming to work wonderful. Although tomorrow would be a quiet one. Meeting in the capital.

Asthma Attack

The past 2 days have been absolute hell. S got her asthma attack again. Sigh.

This time, we took her to the asthma bay in the hospital. After a round of nebuliser she was still lightly wheezing but because there were so many patients, IM and I decided to take her to her paed. While we were there the paed prescribed her hydrocote (steroids) to get rid of the inflammation of her airways, salbutamol for asthma and tridine for flu. All three were unsuccessfully administered orally because as soon as we wrestle her to the ground she’d kick and scream and then vomit the meds.

So that night was a bad night for me. IM? He slept through the night. I slept under her ‘buai’ in the living room because I made the decision to not bother shutting down the air-conditioner. IM lives in wintery conditions.

So my night was interspersed with 2 hours of sleep, 10 minutes of fussing with S because she was uncomfortable. At 2am woke up and tried to give her some meds. Failed. At 5.30am again tried to give her meds. This time I think she threw up half of it. But she could sleep better. At 8.30am she was uncomfortable again, wheezing and was a bit warm to the touch. So I made the decision to bring her to the paed again. No way was I bringing her to the emergency again. From past experiences she’d be admitted to the ward for asthma and fever.

IM was in school. Yeah. So I took emergency leave and brought S and Ma to the paed. This time she was given another round of nebuliser and then a hydrocote jab to the butt. Girl was strong okay. I hugged her close but her hand slipped from my grip and she made a grab for the syringe. She tried to pull it out. Hence a struggle with the paed and me shrieking ‘Let go, S! Let go!’.

When the paed pulled the syringe out it was all bended. Ish…seriau mak!

But her breathing cleared and the skin irritation around her eyes disappeared. What a relief!

Called Tok Pa to let him know and I got scolded for letting S’s health be compromised. Kalau tau haku tak tepon! Penat la.

My day was crazy to say the least. Other issues don’t seem to matter anymore.

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I’m seriously thinking about moving to KL. IM is also supportive of the idea. We’ll see lah. Need to keep an eye on me mum. Last doctor’s visit - her liver is not fully functioning and her kidneys are showing signs of deteriorating.

I’m so sad just thinking about it. I want to go home and spend more time with the woman who carried me for nine months and gave me everything she had to raise me proper. Even though I used to have issues with her (Abang was the favourite son) I’m past all that. Doesn’t seem to matter seeing that I’m on borrowed time with her. I haven’t been back in 2 months. I want to go back this month. I need to go back and see her this month.

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IM’s 32nd birthday on Saturday. Probably low-key celebration at best. Was thinking of making dinner. Buying cake. And that’s it. We’ll have J and L for dinner. Maybe K and R will be there. Ma and Abah will be in Seremban for round 2 of kenduri E.

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I pray to HIM that I have enough strength to be strong for IM and S. I also pray that we grow stronger and closer every day because love is rare and when you have it in your grasp you will protect it, nurture it and keep it with you always.

No matter what.

Be Steadfast My Heart

At the risk of sounding preachy, I’d like to talk about integrity. Since I was asked to decline going to the 5-days, Tan Sri Azizan Zainul Abidin Integrity Circles for Young Professionals in Cherating, I feel that I have something to say about having integrity.

By definition, integrity means steadfast adherence to a strict moral or ethical code. I don’t want to go all legal jargon about it, but suffice enough to say to have integrity is to be govern by a moral compass. What it means is, doing what is right, irrespective of one’s religious/non-religious background.

My definition or rather the definition that has been drilled by a drill sargeant of a father, Papa always reminded me ‘don’t do unto others what you don’t want to be done to you’.

Therefore, I’ve always taken measures to avoid being the party to hurt others, or do things that would hurt the people I love. Unfortunately this doesn’t stop others from hurting my feelings or myself. Right??!!

Just because I live my life according to a code that I follow doesn’t mean others will. All I can hope is for the best of luck in those who’ve hurt my feelings with or without their knowledge.

Sometimes an innocent conversation between two people can be misconstrued. It is by no means the fault of anyone save the one person who’s crossed the line previously.

You know what they say, fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.

I do hope no one I love ever experienced the gut-wrenching hurt I went through on 22^nd November 2007. I wouldn’t wish it even on my evil enemy. I don’t.

I just want to learn to trust again. And to love unconditionally. Steadfastly loving a soul. And to heal my broken soul.

This time though I’ve left no stone unturned. And if it happens again, then it’s a deal-breaker.

For me, at least. And I can walk away with much relief. This time none of it will be my fault. Not even a smidgen.

It is by no means this entry was meant to hurt anyone’s feeling. If it did, suck it up. Not everything in this world is about you.

This is my little promise to myself that I need to forgive myself and look in the mirror with a clean slate, that I am not to be blamed. Therefore, I don’t owe anyone anything. All I do owe is to myself, to learn to trust in love…again. Which I haven’t been able to do successfully…full-heartedly. And I think because I still hurt inside. I may look okay, because I need to be strong for others.

Now I need to be strong for me. Just me. So I can handle whatever else God has deemed an obstacle for me.

Gadget Madget

So much for being on a hiatus. My previous entry was steeped so much in anger and disappointment. I’m writing now not because my disappointment has ebbed a bit. It’s still there.

But at least today I don’t feel like I’m sitting in a vat full of shit.

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Last night, at Big Boss’s farewell dinner S went as a Winx Club fairy. She didn’t win this time but she did get a present. Pooh colouring pencils, a prayers book and a box of pencils. And I got 2, let me repeat that TWO hampers.

Wished the lucky draw was a ticket for two to Paris. Haha.

Who would I bring yeah?

Maybe my new colleague who I just found out was also an English grad. Yay! Ada gang.

Psst…he’s single too. And looks so much like Tzu, J’s boyfriend.


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I’m getting a Blackberry as a present from my beloved brother. Can’t wait man!

Love my brother so much! He's spending part of his yearly bonus on me. Woot!

I'm such a shmuck. I didn't even get him a birthday present. So I think I'd better get him a woop-ass wedding present. Heh.

See! Wish list do come true. I think he got tired of hearing how I wanted a Blackberry for so long but kept from getting one because of the price. I’m not cheap but I sure don’t want to spend so much on a phone.

Let me clarify that - a phone is just a phone yeah. It doesn't clean your house for you, spoon feed you, brush your hair, wash S's backside after big business. All it does is take, make calls and write sms, email, MMS. I'd pay 3k oh hell 5k for a bloody phone if it does all those extra things for me.

That would really be worth it okay.

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Okay, now must focus on work again. Will be out of the office the whole of next week for an integrity course. Sigh.

Toodles.

To Whom It May Concern

Go ahead. Take it. You want it so badly. Take it.

I wish you all the happiness in the world. I've spent 7 years trying to find it. Elusive joy. Unfortunately the stars were not smiling at me all the time.

So go ahead. Own it. If you want it badly enough.

I'm broken. I'm all out of hopes. Even reserve.

Everything Speed One

The things I get in my email are surprising. Apart from belonging to a thread started by a couple of friends, now that have grown to be so monstrous that sometimes I can’t find the time and inclination to open each and every one and read them.

Liz, do I really need a speed dating site??!!

Are you trying to tell me something my dear? Heh…

*thinks hard*

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I’m going to be on a short hiatus. At least until I’ve studied and sorted this Kajian Separuh Penggal for RMK-9 and speed read on macro-economics.

So much to do, so little time.

Be good.

Not So Good Friday

Attention-whoring much??!!

Or just desperately seeking a companion that you look in all the wrong places?

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I’m back in the office. Just shoot off a long email. Wished I didn’t have to write it but it was fighting to get out. Not a memendam rasa kind of person, hence the email.

Today I heard something not-so-nice said about me. A subordinate transferred to my department recently. Today at the farewell party they threw to C, some remarks were made. Such as ‘not happy to come to my department because of disliking someone here’. By that I think it’s me lah. Because when we worked together I went against him and got my boss to support my decision.

Personally, I don’t like him too. As a person. Only because he sees his rudeness as part of his personality. I totally disagree. Rudeness is not part of one’s personality. That’s just lack of manners. You can always make your point across without raising your voice or be scathing to others.

However in a workplace, work must be done. And personal feelings aside, I don’t let it colour my judgement towards another person – workwise. But if I feel I'm right and you're wrong, then I will fight to get my way. Don't bother crossing me.

I tell myself it shouldn’t bother me, but it does. So I’ll just have to manage it as best as I can.

I have to keep telling myself I don’t have to let it bother me. Gadzillion times.

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Last night I got some bad news. HM is going for HRT treatment at the age of 31. She’s single. And have been suffering from bloatedness for awhile. She thought she was just fat. But few weeks ago she got it checked and they found a cyst 12cm in diameter in her uterus. So now her doctor will try to put her on menopause, hoping to shrink the cyst which they suspect to be a malignant tumour. If it shrinks then they’ll do a chemo surgery to preserve her fallopian tubes.

Min, you’re in all my prayers. Please be safe.

Sojourn on F Hill

Over the weekend, Liz came over. We watched a bunch of movies. Let’s see, we saw I Pronounce You Chuck and Larry (2 funny guys and hot Jessica Biel), Enchanted (Amy Adams, Patrick Dempsey, James Marsden), 27 Dresses (Katherine Heigl, James Marsden), Flood (Robert Carlyle, Joanne Whalley), Water Horse which I only managed to watch 30 minutes of it. Then I took her out for sata, otak-otak and kopok. Yum!

Gossip kaw-kaw. Syok la. I had a wonderful weekend. IM cooked. He made chicken in brine. What is brine? Hang pi google nooo….

Me? I made tuna sandwich for Saturday breakfast. And goreng meehun and fried chicken for Sunday lunch. And I bought the groceries. Okay la tuh. Think I super cook like Gordan Ramsay kah??!!

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Day I

I’m writing this from my bed in SI in Fraser’s Inn. It’s cosy enough. There’re just not enough things to do here. And it rained when we reached here. And one part of the road leading up the hill was in the middle of some sort of construction. Apparently the roads were closed yesterday noon because of some loose earth and rocks flooding the roads. It’s been raining heavily these past few days.

I found out the heavy rain was persistent since before the General Election. And there were incidents where the ballot box had to be airlifted to the counting centers.

From Bentong to the hills is only around 29 km, if it was a straight road I betcha we would have reached here in half hour or less. But because it was winding as hell and the brief stop at KM16 before they let us through made the journey less likable.

See I don’t do hills (there’s a whole list of places I don’t do, and you can betcha ass on it!) only because of the roads leading to the hills. And for the first time in my life, I suffered from car sickness. Seriously. I almost vomited. Sigh.

Wei dei am not preggers kay.

Okay now that we’ve straighten that fact, let me tell you there’s no Astro in my shared room. I’m forced to watch RTM1 and RTM2, TV3, NHK, Astro Sport, Cinemax and NTV7. Those 3 channels don’t count because NHK was showing sumo wrestling (WTF!), some golf thing on Astro Sport and some movie with Chuck Norris in it. Ugh!

Ever watched Teka-Teki. The host is super irritating with her high-pitched voice and now I’m watching some Malay drama. Good thing it had Ako in it.

The course starts tonight. I’ve had a 2 hour nap to cover the lack of sleep I had because SA had a tough time sleeping. Her nose was bugging her. And her dad can’t sleep without the air-con (yeah the can die one if no air-con type) so I carried her out and let her sleep in the living room on the toto. Around 5 am I carried her back in and switched off the air-con.

The first class was handled by none other my own batchmate. Elle was surprised to see me. Likewise. I haven’t seen her since the day we graduated in 2004. Man! That is one long time.

Lecture wise she was excellent. Clear, concise and lots of practical knowledge. Made understanding everything easier.

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Day II

After a *good night sleep* we had breakfast. For me it was a piece of toasted wholemeal bread and a couple of sausages, slices of papaya and sweet sweet honey dew. Last but not least a cup of strong black coffee. What a way to start the day.

*Definition : tido mati deh, rasa cam takmau bangun pastu*

The lecture was dry, the speaker uninspiring. I visited the loo and ended up playing forgotten warrior on my phone for 15 mins. Aiyoh! Must be careful. Too long sitting on the bowl can cause piles.

One thing about the loo was the placement of the tissue paper. Hard to describe but I've never seen a placement like this before. To the left pernah. To the right pernah. But over and behind my head. IM said I'd have to do my business like Mat Rempit. Chis!!

This evening we’re supposed to go to some boating adventure and horseback riding. Huh??!! Got ah??!!

It rained and rained. I feel gloomy just typing that down. I ended up in bed with my journal. My written one.

The Vice-Versa drama not bad eh. Lots of eye candy. Don’t know what I’m talking about go and watch TV3 on Tuesday 10ishpm.

Day III

I’m beginning to hate this whole course. All the speakers are either fast talkers, speakers who don’t take questions very well and worse still – sengau.

But the sengau one proved to be the best speaker - experience wise.

This morning the hotel informed some of the organising committee that part of the road leading to the hill have to be closed due to more loose earth and rocks.

Crap crap crapity crap

Fuck fuck fuckity fuck

Pantun 2 kerat yang tidak berirama ini tidak sesuai untuk dibaca kuat. Baca dalam hati saja.

Another alternative to drive back to Kuantan would be to take the road leading to Batang Kali and that would take longer to reach home.

I want to go home.

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I’m home. The road was passable by the time we got down. So glad I’m home already you have no idea. Going out now. Toodles.

Selamat Menyambut Maulidur Rasul.

TGIF

This morning as I was about to put on my working shoes, a shriek was heard. Aku lah yang shrieking tuh.

One big-ass bergerutu frog was grandly sitting snug in my right shoe. As I ‘shoo, shoo ko’ the frog buat derk ajer. Took the umbrella and knocked my shoe upside down. Out came the frog. Who then proceeded to calmly climb on my pink Bata Japanese Slippers.

Sabor ajer la!

Because I was running late and forgot to pack some wet wipes in me bag, I try to imagine the frog NOT doing his business in my shoe and just shoved my foot in. It was a bit wet but I try not to let it bother me. Drove straight to work, got on the elevator and went straight to the loo and washed me poor foot. Me foot been kissed by a frog. Buley??!!

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TGIF. Sigh. So looking forward for the weekend. Have a good one.

Toodles.

One night on a remote island

Circa 2004

One beautiful night, on the beach, somewhere in Perak, two souls bonded and shared thoughts on love.

After a simple dinner cooked over an open fire, and a quick bath with moss-covered well-water, we stretched our plastic blue-orange makeshift tent into a tikar. Laying next to each other, watching God’s wonderful creation – the moon and stars came out to gently wink at each other.

He wore his pagoda t-shirt, kain pelikat and natural musk. I wore my sweats, t-shirt and a good morning towel on my head – modestly and weakly covering my hair. No natural musk, I’m afraid. I brought my Johnson’s baby powder okeh.

As we lay next to each other, head to head, toe to toe (he wasn’t that tall and I don’t mean no disrespect!), he told me all about his fiancée – the love of his life and the woman he wants to marry. She was his postperson. He was trying to woo her best friend. But his efforts were rejected raw – tolak mentah-mentah. Only because his birth certificate didn’t carry the Syed name. Tribal sungguh.

“lor ada lagi pesen orang gitu ker..”

“you’d be surprised, Me”

So the postperson became the shoulder to cry on. And he began to feel something bloom for her – in a not-postperson like way lah.

“apa yang buat ko sayang gila kat dia la nie?”

Pregnant pause. He swallowed before continuing.

“tiga bulan lepas pinangan aku ditolak, aku mula kenal dia. diri dia sebenar. aku bagitau dia aku ada perasaan kat dia. dia mengaku dia dah lama memendam perasaan kat aku. Rupanya, Me, orang yang betul-betul untuk aku ada kat depan mata aje. Tapi sebab dia tau aku minat kat kawan dia, so dia tolonglah aku.”

I looked at him like he was an alien who just landed on his arse and didn’t know it was his ass.

“ko biar betul…”

“aku tak habis cakap la…aku tak sangka perasaan aku masa tuh tersentuh and aku dapat rasa sakit dia macam sakit yang aku rasa bila pinangan kene tolak mentah-mentah. Aku paham sakit dia macam mana. Jadi bila dia korbankan perasaan dia only to see me happy - buat aku jatuh cinta sepenuhnya. Pada aku bila ada orang yang sanggup buat camtu memang dia akan sehidup semati dengan aku. Sanggup susah senang bersama.”

The swell of emotions I felt vibrating from him almost made me cry. The look of pure longing and tenderness I see from his eyes almost broke me down.

But kurang macho okeh kalau nangis. Dahla pakai towel good morning kat kepala tuh. Apa kejadahnya tetiba nangis?

Silence hugged the both of us. Lost in our own thoughts. Mine all the way to him. His all the way to her.

The stars winked at us. Then he asked,

“camna ko tau ko confirm nak kawin dengan dia?”

“mak dia set date mai umah risik aku”

He gently socked my arm.

“woi apa main-main jawab nie. Hati kering la ko nie”

“takle, I guess I can’t imagine being with someone else”

“but la nie, we all asyik bertekak aje, tak larat aku. Dah la penat kursus, bila tepon asyik bertekak. Penat la.”

“la ko nie, sabor la…dia rindu tuh”

“rindu mende kalau asyik gaduh. Outward bound nie bagus pada aku – tadak henpon seminggu. Takyah gaduh. Dia bukan jenis nak tulis surat ke mende.”

“takpe la kang ok la. Ini cabaran berumahtangga.”

March 2008

So much has happened. Yet that night remains an unforgettable memory for me. Last night I dreamt of K. Last I spoke with him was back in January.

Ayat aku cam biasa

“ko dah kurus ke boroi ke maintain….*gelak Serbia*”

“aku maintain, Me”

“ko sihat, Me?”

“camtu camnilah”

Then we made small talk and promised to meet up whenever I’m in the capital. I’m rarely in the capital these days. But one day I’m sure we’ll meet and catch up.

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10,000 BC - A Review

As per the title, we went to the cinema last night. Watched 10,000 BC. A bit slow at first but it was average. I mean even going in without expectations I came out feeling…ho hum. In the beginning we didn’t know what to expect whether it was a cgi driven movie, cartoon or what you see is what you get lah.

I think what spoiled it for me were some of the unintended comic effect. Plus I can’t seem to place D’leh’s character (Steven Strait) as a mammoth hunter cause he looks like a surfer sesat in Alaska.

Camilla Belle’s character as Evolet looked so darned familiar. Googled her name and lo and behold…makcik dalam When a Stranger Calls.

Those baby blue eyes are haunting. No wonder Affif Ben Badra’s character fell in love with her.

The director also directed Jake Gylenhaal and Emmy Rossum in The Day after Tomorrow. Same director for Will Smith’s Independence Day and also Godzilla.

On a scale of 1-5, only go if the ticks’ prices are on a super cheap Wednesday. 3.5. Heh. And I’m being very generous because I like Ben Badra’s character. I like looking at him too. Who doesn’t?!! Big Bad guy who looks at the blue-eyed witch with so much longing and vulnerability. Gotta love that combo.

Oh and they all look like they smell as bad as they look. Yer la if prehistoric times where got Dettol or sabun mandi Camay. But they have really white white teeth…ker masa tuh dah jumpa kayu sugi…And no hidung penyet. And less hairy. Bukan cro-magnon people apparently have hidung penyet like their cousins the simian (monyets). Then some more have dreadlock hair. Ker orang la nie yang revert to prehistoric hair?

*sniggers*

Pictures of 10000 BC credited to scifiunited.com

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I’ve cleared most of my stuff. Getting a move to 4th floor. Sigh. I’ll miss my sofa. Seriously. The best sofa ever. So plump and inviting.

Good bye Mr. Sofa. You’ll be sorely missed.

*misty eyes*

Addiction

I thought the first entry was okay to mark my foray into blogging world….again. No excuses why I closed down the other places. It just died a natural death. Because I lost the drive to write there anymore.

So here’s hoping I stick this one out long enough and not have it die on me yeah.

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2 entries to start the ball rolling eh...Cheers!

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I have to be in F Hill for a 3 day course. Sigh. So blardy far man.

But I suppose the time away meant I’d have to miss him.

Sometimes when I’m at work I miss him.

Trust me it has never been this way before.

In a way it feels odd yet right…enough.

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SA is turning 3 in 2 months time. Wow! Soon enough she’ll be old enough to accompany me on shopping jaunts. Not that she hasn’t been a good company, it’s just there isn’t much input on the purchasing side.

The kind of input she gives is the ones where my output would be

‘jangan pegang tu, pecah kang’

‘where are u girl, jangan main sorok-sorok, ilang kang’

‘okay stop hugging my leg, girl’

All this points out to

i: my lack of shopping buddy (husband don’t count; he makes a lousy shopping partner – the every few minutes glance at the watch and muka bosan is soo not helping…

ii: can’t wait for Liz to come this weekend…hope it pans out. We plan to lepak the whole weekend, take her out for kopoks and sit in front of the telly for a marathon of either Ugly Betty, Grey’s Anatomy or Gossip Girl.

Note to self : Must burn both seasons of UB and GA. Pronto.

Note to IM - And no – my BFF stays my BFF. MINE.

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Have seen Jumper (Hayden Christiensen, Rachel Bilson), Catch and Release (Jennifer Garner, Timothy Olyphant-TO for now-, Kevin Smith), The Great Debaters (Denzel Washington), Atonement (Kiera Knightly, James McAvoy), Juno (Ellen Page), Eastern Promises (Viggo Mortensen), The Brave One (Jodie Foster, Terrence Howard) Golden Compass (Nicole Kidman, Danial Craig, Eva Green), Meet the Spartans (not worth mentioning).

Loved all of them except The Brave One. Ugh! Terrence why you go play a cop like that man??!!

The Atonement was bittersweet. Can’t get over how James is able to say so much from just looking at his eyes. So looking forward to watch Wanted.

But the scene in the bath house of Eastern Promises was disturbingly hot. Oh man Viggo!

Loved Catch and Release. As much as I liked Something New (Sanaa Lathan, Simon Baker). Can watch again and again.

TO has 3 new movies in 2008 – Stop Loss (Ryan Phillipe), High Life and A Perfect Getaway.

Looks like if I need my TO fix I’d have to download DeadWood. Or watch Hitman again. Damn it! Hate Western series. Only liked Pony Express. And that was ages ago. Dops and I used to go gaga over James Brolin. Those were the days.

Found a picture of him as Fritz from the movie Catch and Release.

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An Eulogy

Goodbye Mr. Armani

Mr. Armani has always sat on my left wrist. An accident with Mr. Bowl Johnson Suisse saw poor Armani flushed away with the results of my tummy.

Tis a sad sad day....

Note: I can’t even begin to care if Mr. Armani is going to clog my office drainage system. I’m grieving okeh.

Now where is that darned Longines catalogue.

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The day didn’t start that bad though. I was on my way to work, calmly driving like a responsible citizen behind a police truck. The kind of transportation police used to transport prisoners to court or where ever their destination. In which 2 policemen in uniform sat behind the truck.

One of them looked like a better looking Malai. I’s good friend from uni days. Anyway he smiled and I looked at him in an appraising way. Yeah I was checking him out.

Anyway he had the truck’s grill in the way of his view so he kept bobbing his head up and down to look at me or the car. Not surelah. But he smiled and I smiled back.

Feels good to share a smile with a total stranger to start the day with.

Didn’t hurt that he wasn’t that bad to look at.

*smiles*

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I’ve reported for duty at my new place. A bit overwhelmed but I’m really trying to push down any nervousness and anxiety.

More responsibility, more power.

Hope I don’t let it go to my head.

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That’s a Marc by Marc Jacobs Dr. Q Hillier Hobo Bag in Saddle. Gorgeous colour and I have a thing for big bags. Baggage kan….

Picture courtesy from e-luxury.