At the risk of sounding preachy, I’d like to talk about integrity. Since I was asked to decline going to the 5-days, Tan Sri Azizan Zainul Abidin Integrity Circles for Young Professionals in Cherating, I feel that I have something to say about having integrity.
By definition, integrity means steadfast adherence to a strict moral or ethical code. I don’t want to go all legal jargon about it, but suffice enough to say to have integrity is to be govern by a moral compass. What it means is, doing what is right, irrespective of one’s religious/non-religious background.
My definition or rather the definition that has been drilled by a drill sargeant of a father, Papa always reminded me ‘don’t do unto others what you don’t want to be done to you’.
Therefore, I’ve always taken measures to avoid being the party to hurt others, or do things that would hurt the people I love. Unfortunately this doesn’t stop others from hurting my feelings or myself. Right??!!
Just because I live my life according to a code that I follow doesn’t mean others will. All I can hope is for the best of luck in those who’ve hurt my feelings with or without their knowledge.
Sometimes an innocent conversation between two people can be misconstrued. It is by no means the fault of anyone save the one person who’s crossed the line previously.
You know what they say, fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.
I do hope no one I love ever experienced the gut-wrenching hurt I went through on 22nd November 2007. I wouldn’t wish it even on my evil enemy. I don’t.
I just want to learn to trust again. And to love unconditionally. Steadfastly loving a soul. And to heal my broken soul.
This time though I’ve left no stone unturned. And if it happens again, then it’s a deal-breaker.
For me, at least. And I can walk away with much relief. This time none of it will be my fault. Not even a smidgen.
It is by no means this entry was meant to hurt anyone’s feeling. If it did, suck it up. Not everything in this world is about you.
This is my little promise to myself that I need to forgive myself and look in the mirror with a clean slate, that I am not to be blamed. Therefore, I don’t owe anyone anything. All I do owe is to myself, to learn to trust in love…again. Which I haven’t been able to do successfully…full-heartedly. And I think because I still hurt inside. I may look okay, because I need to be strong for others.
Now I need to be strong for me. Just me. So I can handle whatever else God has deemed an obstacle for me.
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